Sarcasm, Feigned Incomprehension And Plain Ol' Rudeness

Paul says his sarcasm has toned down a bit ever since his experience in the dentist's chair as young boy where he woke up to find his face black and blue after a simple tooth extraction. Paul realizes sarcastic remarks are not taken too well by dentists and has since decided to use them sparingly, even on people outside the dental profession.

Mike is one of those people who can be sarcastic but chooses to be nice almost every time. We discussed what hypothetical verbal responses he could have given in various dialogs where he originally played nice but would have wanted to play dumb, be sarcastic, or just plain rude.

All responses below given by P1 in italics are therefore hypothetical.

***

Food Center

P2: "May I clear you plate?"

P1: "Certainly not. I'll do it myself. Go buy your own food."

***

Food Center

P1: "May I have some ketchup please?"

P2: "Here you go..."

P1: "Not chili sauce, ketchup please."

P2: "Oh, tomato sauce?"

P1: "Uh, no. I would have gone to the supermarket to buy ingredients if I wanted to cook spaghetti."

***

A Fried Chicken Fast Food Based In Kentucky. In White Sands, Pasir Ris

P1: "May I have some gravy please?"

P2: "What's gravy?"

P1: "Are you serious? Do you even work here?"

***

Office

P2: "By right the file should be in this folder everyday. By right the server should automatically dump it there. By right even if there was no data there should still be a file."

P1: "What about by left?"

***

Office

P2: "Just one more question also can or not?"

P1: "Okay, I'm confused. But that sounds like a question already. You've had your chance."

***

A Sandwich Store In Downtown East

P1: "One Italian BMT please..."

P2: "Oh, I'm sorry we ran out of bread."

P1: "Again!?! Why don't you just close down?"

***

A Vietnamese Cafe In Boon Tat Street

P1: "Can I have plain water please?"

P2: "I'm sorry, we don't server plain water."

P1: "Not even without ice, straight from the faucet?"

P2: "Boss says we're not allowed to do that. You need to buy your drinks so we can make money out of it."

P1: ????

Mike says he's still figuring out what he could have said to this one.

***